A Single Moment
by queenofthemoment10
Summary: Ginny Cartwright experiences a life changing moment at the young age of four. This story will explore the aftermath and it's affect on the Cartwright family. Other characters are included in the story but as most know I can only tag four. Please enjoy, feed back is welcome
1. Chapter 1

The early evening sun shone upon the still frozen pond and the Cartwrights were enjoying what they believed to be the last skate of the season. Ginny skated beside Hoss wobbly on the frozen pond folded in the snow-covered hills of the Ponderosa. Hoss's quiet manner suited her a little better than Joe's at the moment for skating was an area where she did not appreciate the six year old's rowdiness. After falling for what felt like the hundredth time she huffed as Hoss helped her up to her feet. Shaking the dusting of snow off her skirt she pushed off to glide across the ice and promptly took another hard fall. Adam skated to her rescue.

"Here Ginny let me help you." he said taking her hand.

"Ice is slippery." She clung to him to avoid falling over again.

Adam gave her a lazy grin, "It is slippery." He confirmed the four year-old's observation.

"And it's cold." She stated seriously looking about the pond, "There's too much of it." She added with a wave of her hand.

Hoss laughed at her statement and Ginny looked at him as if he'd truly hurt her tiny feelings, "Do you like sledding or ice skating better?" Adam distracted her from the hurt.

"I like summer." She nodded decisively.

"I thought you enjoyed our sledding trip."

"It was cold." She shuddered as she recalled the snow finding it's way into her clothes, "I like when you take us swimming, Adam. And playing in the hay in the barn."

"You are a warm weather girl aren't you, sweet pea?" Adam slowly guided her back towards the bank.

"Yes!" she nodded her head enthusiastically. She watched as Hoss and Joe raced away from them.

"Would you like me to show you how to skate? You'll fall less."

"Okie." She stood ready to learn after rocking back and forth and finally steadying herself with the help of Adam. Knowing her attention span was shorter than anyone he'd ever met in his life Adam kept the lesson as brief as he could. Excited by Adam's lessons she skated ever so clumsily to Ben and her mother, Emily.

"Mama, Adam taught me to skate!" She crashed at her mother's feet.

Her mother laughed picking her daughter off the ice, "So I see. You're doing wonderfully, Virginia."

"I want to skate with you, Mama."

"We're about go back home, darling." She straightened the child's lopsided bonnet, "It's getting late and I don't want you to catch a cold. We'll skate together next time."

Ginny's face fell, "But Adam said it won't be cold enough soon and I want to skate with you."

Her mother's heart melted at the statement, "Alright my darling we'll take one quick loop around the ice and we can go home and make hot coco."

Immediately Ginny's face brightened as her mother took her hand to skate around the ice. Clunking over the ice Ginny's confidence grew. "Mama, I want to show you myself!"

"Alright," Emily let go of her child's hand staying close beside her least she should lose her balance again. The crunch of the ice and the brisk air brought a smile to Emily's face, seeing the man she loved on shore who loved her and her daughter told her she'd finally found peace on this earth. Skating a few paces behind the child she paused at an eerie sound resembling an organ pipe. As she continued to slowly glide over the ice she heard a loud crack. Plunging through the ice she heard shouts from shore and a wail from her daughter. Ben made quick work ordering Hoss and Joe to stay on the bank. Quickly moving toward the hole in the ice he pushed Ginny into Adam's arms as he made a quick assessment of the child. Her skirts were wet but she hadn't fully submerged. Lying flat on the ice Ben moved towards Emily's flailing figure in the water. Catching her hand he pulled the frantic woman towards him, turning he saw Adam once more at his side reaching for her other hand.

"Ginny. Where's Ginny? Where's my baby?" she muttered clinging to Ben as he and Adam pulled her from danger.

"I took her to shore. Hoss has her." Adam assured her. "We'll look after her."

"Hoss take the horse. Ride back to the house and have Hank go get the doctor." Ben ordered, thankful Adam had come later and they had an extra horse beside the wagon.

"Yes sir." Hoss was visibly shaken as he passed Ginny back to Adam.

"It'll be okay, Hoss." Adam assured his brother, "Just do what Pa said."

"Okay Adam."

Adam helped Ben load everyone into the wagon, as Ben's attentions immediately went to Ginny's mother Adam took a moment to instruct Joe.

"Joe I need your help. I have to drive the wagon so I need you to stay with Ginny. She's scared and I need you to help her stay warm."

Joe stared at him wide eyed and lip trembling, "Adam?"

"Yes Joe?"

"Is she…is she going away? Like my ma?"

Adam glanced over at Emily, her skin was pale and she was shaking uncontrollably as Ginny sat alongside her looking at her mother with a terrified expression, "I don't know Joe…we're going to do everything we can. I need you to watch out for Ginny. Can you do that for me?"

Joe nodded.

"Good man." Adam climbed up into the front of the wagon and pushed the horses to move forward. Sensing his urgency they moved quickly through the snow as he listened to the soft cries of his brother and Ginny and the ramblings of what he believed to be a dying woman.

…..

Ginny sat trembling in a cocoon of blankets, her eyes wide with fear and skin pale and cold. Entering the room with a cup of hot tea Adam saw a small wave of relief wash over her. Settling on the bed next to her he wrapped an arm protectively about her shoulders.

"I want mama." The little voice came out muffled by the blankets.

"I know, sweet pea…" Adam looked at the doorway apprehensively, "Is it okay if I stay with you?"

She nodded slightly, "Okay."

"Here I want you to drink some of this. It'll help warm you up."

After a sip the girl wrinkled her nose and promptly pushed away the cup, "I don't want it."

Adam placed the cup on the nightstand and hoped his warmth would be enough for her. The doctor had already been in to see her and declared she would be all right as she'd gotten dried off quickly but to be sure and give her plenty of warm fluids. She'd already downed a cup of hot chocolate and a glass of warm water with lemon under the doctor's instructions..

"When can I see mama?" Ginny interrupted his thoughts.

Adam chewed his lip, he knew her mother was sick but he didn't know how to explain that to her. Joe padding softly into the room drew his attention.

"Adam?"

"Yes, Joe?"

"Are you going to read Ginny a story tonight?"

"Probably."

Joe, who'd recently deemed himself to old for bedtime stories, picked at the hem of his nightshirt, "Could I stay and listen?"

Adam nodded, "Bring me the book on the dresser. Virginia would you like to hear a bedtime story?"

"Can I see mama after?"

Adam sighed, "I'm not sure…but the sooner you fall asleep the sooner morning will come and you'll be able to see her."

"Okay Adam."

Joe plopped himself on the bed next to them and Ginny snuggled closer to Adam. She liked to follow along as he read to her. As Adam began reading Hoss joined the small party and settled on the foot of the bed. Adam read into the night while unconsciously helping ease the pain of his brothers. Joe nodded off and Hoss carried him to bed, to Adam's surprise returning shortly after.

"Adam can I talk to you?"

Adam glanced down at the sleeping girl afraid to move least he disturb her; the child could sleep through a stampede but the slightest jostle would always wake her. "What is it, Hoss?" Adam stated wearily, the events of the day were wearing heavily on him.

"I don't know if I can do it again, Adam…I don't think Joe can either.."

"What do you mean?"

"You know…If…if she… dies…we just lost a mother.."

"She's not dying." Adam stated firmly. "And she's not our mother."

"Doggoneit Adam if she don't feel like it…I know she helped Pa...she helped Joe and me too. You were just always too stubborn to let her in."

"Hoss." Adam grit his teeth. It wasn't Hoss' fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. He'd endured so much loss it wasn't fair his brothers had to endure it too, And they shouldn't be on the receiving end of the anger her felt, "I'm sorry Hoss…I don't know what's going to happen….but I'll help the three of you the best I can. I promise." He knew how soft hearted Hoss was though sometimes the boy's large size caused him to forget how young he was, he knew he couldn't bring himself to hurt him.

"Who's going to take care of you, Adam?"

Adam shrugged, "I'll be alright."

…..

Adam awoke with a start. The house was quiet and he could hear the steady breathing of the child beside him. Easing himself off the bed Adam wandered to the hallway. A light down the hall caught his eye. Moving towards the doorway he heard the voice of his father.

"I shouldn't have taken them skating…it's too late in the year."

"Ben you couldn't have known." The Doctor assured him, "The temperatures have gone back down…everyone thought it was safe… I'm sorry Ben. I wish there was more I could have done."

Backing away from the door he stood inside the doorway of his room watching Ginny sleep. They'd each lost a mother far too young and he didn't think he could answer questions for a third one about where their mother was. Hoss and Joe were still aching for Marie. Somehow Emily had helped soothe that ache for both boys but now he thought all the pain they felt over the loss of Marie would come back ten fold. And his father? Losing Marie had nearly killed him. Adam couldn't bear the thought of watching his father grieve again. He wondered if getting back to the house faster would have saved her. For all he knew a few minutes could have made a difference and Ginny would still have a mother. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and a soft whimper drew his attention.

"Adam?"

"What is it?"

"I want to sleep with mama." She pushed away the covers and slid off the bed.

Adam caught her in his arms and struggled to keep his voice steady, "How about you stay with me? I'll be awfully lonely if you leave."

"I'm sorry Adam….I miss mama."

"Tell you what. I've been wanting to sing you some new songs. Would you like to hear them?"

She nodded sleepily. "Then I sleep with mama."

Adam nestled her back into the bed, " The sun is sinking in the west." He sang softly, "The cattle go down to the stream. The redwing settles in the nest…It's time for a cowboy to dream. Purple light in the canyons. That's where I long to be. With my three good companions. Just Virginia, my pony and me."

Ginny giggled, "I'm in the song."

"That's right."

"Can I hear the rest?"

"Of course." Adam hummed. "Gonna hang (gonna hang) my sombrero (my sombrero).

On the limb (on the limb) of a tree (of a tree)...Coming home (coming home) sweetheart darling (sweetheart darling)… Just Virginia, my pony and me…Just Virginia, my pony and me….(Whippoorwill in the willow…Sings a sweet melody Riding to Amarillo)… Just Virginia, my pony and me... No more cows (no more cows) to be roping (to be roping)… No more strays will I see…Round the bend (round the bend) she'll be waiting (she'll be waiting). For Virginia, my pony and me…For Virginia, my pony and me."

"Another."

"What do you say?"

"Please."

"Alright," Adam smoothed her hair, "What would you like to hear?"

"The road one."

"Well every road I see, leads away from me…there's not a single one that leads me home." Adam allowed the music to soothe his mind as it drifted through the room. As Ginny fell asleep he told himself he'd do his best to protect her as she grew up.

**********Authors note- The first song Adam sings is My Rifle, My Pony and Me. If you'd like to hear what it sounds like it is sung by Dean Martin in Rio Bravo and I always wanted to hear it sung by Adam as I think it'd fit his voice well. The second song is Endless Road which Adam does sing in the series in the sixth season.


	2. Chapter 2

Early one morning the following week Adam sat in the hayloft taking moment of reprieve. It'd been a week since the funeral and it felt like everything was falling apart. Ben was spiraling he barely slept or ate and his temper was growing short. Hoss was doing his best to stay cheery for Joe but Adam saw how much it was hurting him. Little Joe often came into his room at night to listen to the stories he told Ginny. And Ginny? Ginny often asked him when her mother was coming back; every night when she helped set the table she insisted on setting her mother's place. Movement in the yard caught his attention and he watched through a slit as Ben crossed the yard.

Watching from his perch he noted Ben preparing his horse for a journey with an assortment of saddlebags and a bedroll.

Adam slipped out of the loft surprising Ben with his presence, "Pa?"

Ben started at his voice, "What are you doing hiding out here?" Ben stated gruffly.

Adam looked his father over, his eyes were dark from lack of sleep, his hair and beard unkempt. "Pa, where are you going?"

"San Franciso."

Adam was astonished, "Now?"

"This is still a working ranch, Adam."

"You never take trips this time of year. The ranch needs you here…we need you.."

"I know I can leave you to run things. Hank is a good foreman you'll do well to use any advice he may have."

"When will you be back?" Adam felt like he was dreaming.

Ben mounted his horse, "Few weeks."

Be urged his horse out of the barn past Adam. Following him into the yard Adam watched the retreating figure stunned, "Pa…"

Adam wasn't sure how long he stood in the yard. A chilling wind cut through his jacket and he retired back to the house. Upon returning he saw his siblings already gathered around the table as Hop Sing served breakfast. He was thankful to at least have Hop Sing in the house.

"Mista Cartrwight not coming to breakfast?" Hop Sing questioned as Adam took his seat.

"No, Hop Sing…Pa wanted to get an early start."

Hop Sing shook his head, "Skipping breakfast not good." He stated in a disapproving tone.

Hoss licked his lips as he looked over the spread, "Guess that means more for me."

Adam sat through most of the breakfast disengaged. He wasn't ready to run the Ponderosa on his own while managing his siblings. Three weeks would feel even longer during this time. As breakfast wore on Adam wondered how he would keep everything together.

…

Hoss scratched the muzzle of the horse he'd been brushing. The strong animals presence was soothing to him especially after Adam had confided in him that Pa was out of town on a trip when he'd gotten home from school. Little Joe and Ginny still thought their father was out working on the Ponderosa.

"I thought I'd find you out here." Adam leaned against the stall.

Hoss continued petting the animal in front of him, "Needed some time to think."

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have told you."

"It's okay Adam…" Hoss shrugged, "We all would have found out anyway."

"I don't know what to tell them." Adam confessed glancing over his shoulder towards the house where Little Joe and Ginny were throwing snowballs at each other.

"Just tell them the truth…. they need to trust you completely. You're in charge now. And I'll do whatever I can to help you, older brother."

Adam smiled, "When did you get so grown up Hoss?" he stated proudly.

Hoss's face reddened, "Guess you rubbed off on me."

Adam felt some of the load lessen, "All I need from you Hoss is to make sure Little Joe stays out of trouble at school and that he doesn't slack on chores."

"Sure you don't need anything else?"

"If I do I promise you'll be the first to know."

"Want my help talking to them?" Adam didn't realize how much he wanted that until he heard Hoss say it, "I could talk to Little Joe and you talk to Ginny."

"I think it'd be best to talk to them together." Adam decided.

…

Adam was met by silence when he told the two youngest. The silence was nearly unbearable until Little Joe broke it.

"He didn't tell us good bye." Little Joe's bright green eyes met Adam's, "Why would he just leave? Doesn't he want to be with us?"

Adam's heart broke, "Of course he does, Joe…Pa…Pa just needed to take care of some things. He said he'll be back in three weeks…While he's gone I need you all to help me run things."

Joe brightened a little at the comment, "Like what, Adam?"

"Well I need you keep doing well in school and finish all your chores without being asked." Joe wrinkled his nose at the less than glamorous description Adam gave. "I know it doesn't seem like much, but it will really help the Ponderosa keep running. Can you help me with that, Joe?"

Joe took the extended hand of his older brother and gave it a hardy shake. "You bet Adam."

Adam shifted his focus to Ginny who remained silent during the exchange, "Virginia?" He ducked his head to be at her level.

"Are you going away too Adam?" she looked at him fearfully like he might vanish in front of her.

Adam pulled her into his lap, "I'm not going anywhere, sweet pea. I promise."

"Hoss and Little Joe?"

"We're not going anywhere either." Hoss echoed his brother's promise.

"You ain't gettin' rid of us, Gin." Joe patted her hand putting aside his own fears to comfort the child.

She nodded shakily and Adam squeezed her tighter. "What can I do Adam?" She sat up quickly in his lap.

"Well," Adam thought quickly, "You can help brush the horses." He remembered she loved that, "Keep your room tidy." Adam racked his brain for little things she could do to help.

Hop Sing bustled through the living room, "Little Missy help me in the kitchen after meals."

She nodded, "I like to wash the cups! Mama let me help her sew." She added looking at Adam expectantly.

He chewed his lip, "I don't know how to sew…I wouldn't be able to help you much."

"Mama taught me." She assured him so confidently Adam had complete faith in her skills. "There are things in her basket."

Upon searching the basket the boys found that Emily indeed had a well-stocked basket along with a few things that were never completed.

"Virginia you can work on these when you wish." Adam recalled Emily teaching her a few things so he didn't see any harm in Virginia attempting a useful skill, "If you find yourself stumped put it aside and let me know. We can ask one of the church women to help you."

"I won't need them." Ginny waved away the assistance.

Adam gently removed the sewing materials from her hands, "Virginia everyone needs help now and again." He decided he might talk to one of the women next chance he got to see if one would be willing to give Virginia lessons to build upon the foundation her mother had set.

"Even you?"

Adam nodded, "Even me. That's why I asked you, Little Joe and Hoss for help running things. I can't do it all on my own. And it's okay to ask for help."

"Alright Adam." She agreed carefully placing the contents of the basket back in their place.

…..

Joe slowly shuffled to the table Sunday morning and plopped into his seat. Through bleary eyes he slowly filled his plate as his older brothers watched with great amusement.

"Sleep well, Little Joe?"

Joe groaned.

"I don't think he slept well." Hoss joined in the fun.

"Why is it Saturday is the only day a fellow can sleep proper?" Joe muttered between bites of his biscuit.

"Well Joe I think if you get to bed earlier you just might feel more rested." Adam shared an amused look with Hoss over his teacup.

"That ain't gonna help."

Adam ignored his brother's poor grammar. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." He sang.

"Aw Adam do you have to sing so doggone early?"

"I like Adam's singing." Ginny piped up.

"Thank you, Virginia."

She rewarded him with a sweet smile. Breakfast settled into a quiet meal with only clanks for interruptions. Upon finishing Adam and Hoss went out to hitch the wagon as Little Joe and Ginny cleared the table. Within half an hour the clan was whisked away to town for church. For the first time in several years Virginia City had a minister living in town. Church every Sunday was rather new to the Cartwrights as they were accustomed to only going when the circuit preacher came around and held their own small services at home during his absences. Adam enjoyed the outing, Hoss preferred to be outdoors instead of sitting quietly in the old pews, Joe saw it as more time he had to sit still and be quiet and Ginny enjoyed sitting and taking in the sights surrounding her.

After services Adam allowed them to linger longer than usual. Looking around the yard he saw Hoss with several boys his age admiring a boy's new knife, Joe was playing tag with some school friends and probably about to ruin his Sunday clothes, and Ginny was playing hopscotch in a corner with other small girls. Satisfied his siblings were out of trouble for the time being Adam made his way to the preacher's wife.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Clarke." Adam tipped his hat to the lady.

She graced him with a smile, "Adam Cartwright, isn't it?"

"Yes ma'am."

She nodded satisfied. After two months in Virginia City she was pleased to know most everyone's name. Her heart broke over why it was so easy for her to remember the names of the Cartwright family. "We missed your father today." She stated glancing around the yard for a glimpse of the Cartwright patriarch. "Is he well?"

"He's out on Ponderosa business."

Her motherly instincts yearned to help the Cartwright children. "Please let us know if there is anything I can do to help while he is away."

"Actually I did want to ask you a favor."

"Name it."

"Mrs. Clarke can you sew?"

She allowed herself a small moment of pride. "Can I sew? Adam, I'll have you know my quilts have won awards at fairs back home." Adam smiled at the declaration, "Do you need something patched up?"

"Not exactly…I was hoping for lessons. Not for me" he continued as she gave him a puzzled look, "For Virginia. I can pay you. Emily was beginning to show her some things and she enjoys it but I'm no help to her with it so I was hoping I could find someone to continue what her mother started." Adam rambled.

Her tender heart broke for the motherless child and for the brother who saw it as his duty to fill that void in her life, "I'd be happy to help. And I wouldn't dream of taking a cent from you." she held her hand up as Adam tried to protest, "Adam I'd couldn't look myself in the mirror if I didn't help that sweet child. Let alone if I took money for it. You let me know some days during the week that work and I'll ride out to the Ponderosa every week to make sure she gets her lessons."

Adam wanted to shout for joy but he settled for shaking Mrs. Clarke's hand heartily, "Thank you, ma'am! Thank you!"

She smiled at the young man before her, "You're very welcome."

…..

Their first week running the ranch went fairly smoothly considering the circumstances. Adam was thankful to have Hank to help look after the Ponderosa as most of his attention went to Ginny. Hoss was keeping an eye on Joe at school and Joe was staying faithful to his work. Ginny warmed to Mrs. Clarke immediately.

Adam saw Mrs. Clarke off in yard as she completed her second lesson of the week.

"Emily started her off well. She's such a bright child, I'm impressed with how well she does at such a young age."

Adam smiled, "We're grateful to have you here." He helped her into her carriage.

"If I can be of any further service please don't hesitate to ask me" She arranged her skirts ensuring they'd be clear of the wheel.

"I couldn't ask for anything more." Adam informed her.

"Well if you change your mind let me know." Mrs. Clarke gathered the reins, "I'll be back next Tuesday to continue. My husband and I want to have you four over for lunch after service Sunday." Adam began to decline, "And we won't take no for an answer."

"We'll see you in a few days." Adam admired her tenacity.

"We look forward to it." Mrs. Clarke snapped the reins against the horse's rump and pulled out of the yard. Adam watched her retreat and made his way back into the house.

Virginia sat by the hearth holding a small rag doll she'd received at Christmas; the last gift from her mother.

"Mrs. Clarke promised to help me make one Adam!" Ginny declared holding the doll to him.

"That was very nice of her. Did you thank her?"

"Oh yes, Adam."

"Are you liking lessons with her?"

"Yes…" Ginny paused and stared absently across the room. A fat tear rolled down her freckled cheek and splashed on the doll's face.

Adam was immediately at her side.

"I want my mama." The sentence came out in a sob.

"I know, sweet pea. I know." Adam held her close as she clung to his skirt. He wondered if he'd started lessons too soon. He didn't want Virginia to feel like her mother was being replaced in any way. He wanted her to treasure the view memories she had.

"Can I go see her?"

Adam cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, Virginia. Heaven is very far away…she didn't want to go away. I know she misses you just as much as you miss her."

"Will she know I'm sorry?"

"Sorry for what?"

"Liking Mrs. Clarke..."

"You don't have to be sorry. She wants you to be happy and to smile and play. I think your mother would have loved Mrs. Clarke."

"Really?"

"Yes. It's all right to like other people. Your mother knows you love her."

"Okay." Ginny seemed slightly relieved.

"You know…when I was little like you my mother died. And when Pa met Hoss's Ma I was afraid to love her too. I didn't want to hurt my mother's feelings."

"Really?"

"Mhm, then Inger told me just because I loved her didn't mean I didn't love my mother. She told me my mother would happy to know I had someone to care for. Your mama is happy you have people to care for."

"Will she really be happy?"

"Yes."

"Okay Adam. I like when mama's happy."

***Writing child grief is very new to me. I experienced loss as a child but it is difficult to remember details of my behavior...all i remember is going from being happy one moment and into a mess of grief the next and as I've never had to raise a child and explain death to them I am doing my best to navigate a new territory for me. I hope you all enjoy it and I am able to handle this well as the story moves on. Thank you for reading


	3. Chapter 3

Nervously Adam made sure his siblings were ready for lunch with the Clarkes. He wasn't too worried about Hoss, Little Joe was a lose canon and Ginny was, for the most part, fairly well behaved. Opening the front door Mrs. Clarke ushered the Cartwrights into her home and made sure they were each comfortable in the living room. The Clarkes had an oldest boy around Hoss's age who shared a love of horses with the young Cartwright. Ginny and Little Joe found interest in the preacher's youngest son as he beckoned them outside to play before dinner. Hoss quickly excused himself with the oldest Clarke boy to finish admire some horses.

"I'm sorry we don't have a little girl." Mrs. Clarke seated herself beside her husband on a davenport across from Adam. " Or a child close to your age."

Adam ducked his head, "Well ma'am I've spend most of my life around folks older than me… I've gotten used to it. As for Ginny… I'm afraid she'll grow into a tomboy surrounded by all of us."

The Clarke's looked over Adam as he made his statement thinking he spoke more like a concerned father rather than an older brother, "We hope to be in Virginia City for a long time. I hope I can be a good influence for her as she grows." Mrs. Clarke rose from her seat, "If you'll excuse me I need to put some finishing touches on lunch." Mrs. Clarke exited with grace leaving Adam alone with Reverend Clarke.

"Your wife has been a big help."

Reverence Clarke glanced at the door with a smile, "She's fond of Ginny. Took to that child immediately."

"We're grateful to have her."

"My wife always wanted a little girl. I know it's only been a short time but Ginny has been a blessing to her. I know she hopes to get to know the rest of your family better as well."

"I'm glad to hear that. How are you and your family liking Virginia City so far?" Adam changed the topic.

"I have to admit it's different from Ohio." Reverend Clarke noted the change discovering that maybe the oldest Cartwright boy preferred to learn about others before disclosing things about himself. "But we like the people and we think we can do a lot of good here."

"Hoss certainly get's along with your oldest. He talks about Jim a lot."

"Jim speaks of Hoss often. He's a bit of a shy boy. Starting in a new school was something he didn't look forward to but I think Hoss's quiet manner helped him. Children can often do each other a lot of good. Sometimes they help each other more than an adult can."

"I guess they can." Adam said doubtfully.

The Reverend smiled, "You don't believe me."

Adam shrugged, "I think children learn from authority figures."

"Teachers, parents, older brothers?" Adam nodded as the preacher spoke, "Perhaps you're right, Adam. But children influence each other. And sometimes a bold personality can draw out a shy one. Or a calm one can tame a wild one."

Ginny burst into the room with rosy cheeks from the cold. A blast of cold wind followed the child from outside as she hurried across the room to Adam, "Look what I found, Adam!" She crashed into his legs as she dropped a bright blue feather into his lap. "Isn't it pretty?"

Adam picked up the feather and admired it, "It's a beautiful treasure."

"May I keep it?" Ginny bounced in front of him, "Oh can I, please?"

"Of course you can." Adam returned the feather to its finder with a flourish.

Ginny perched herself beside Adam prettily and spent her time till lunch running her finger softly over the soft feather.

…..

LATER THAT DAY

"Hey Adam." Ginny whispered from her doorway.

Adam paused at his door, he had hoped she was asleep by now. "Yes, Virginia?"

Her bare feet pattered quickly over the wooden floor, "Can I sleep with you tonight?" she took his hand in her small one.

"Come on, "Adam pushed open the door and she ran ahead of him and leapt into the bed.

"I forgot my feather, "She announced turning..

"It'll be alright on your night stand." Adam wrangled her back into the bed, "You don't want it to get hurt."

"Okay Adam. Adam?"

"Mhm?" He settled under the covers and hoped tonight she would fall asleep faster than usual.

"I like Mrs. Clarke."

"She's a nice lady." Adam lay on his back with his eyes closed.

"Mr. Clarke is nice. He looks kind."

"Reverend Clarke is a kind man."

"Yeah…" Ginny settled beside him. After a few minutes Ginny sat up, "I wanted to give mama my feather….I … I can't."

Adam felt a drop of water splash on his arm. Quickly folding her into his embrace he held her close, "She would have liked the feather."

She nodded against him. "It blue." She said as she wept for her mother.

Adam nodded, "She liked blue birds. I think she sent you a small gift Virginia. I know she misses you too."

Adam maneuvered himself to lay Ginny down beside him. Her small arms wrapped around his neck and her head buried in his shoulder as the child cried herself to sleep.

…

"Adam can we go fishing?" Ginny was draped over the couch with her head off the edge and her feet sticking up in the air on the back of the piece of furniture.

"Virginia is that how we sit on a couch?" Adam swatted at her feet as he passed by.

"It's how I'm sitting." Ginny shot back. Adam raised an eyebrow at her and she quickly righted herself throwing her hair into a state of disrepair. Sitting properly she put the question to Adam again, "Can we go fishing?"

"Virginia it's still winter."

"Lil Joe said it's almost April." She countered.

Adam shook his head at her stubbornness, "April is over a week away. Fishing is a summer activity."

She huffed at the news, "Can't we play something?"

An idea popped into Adam's head, "I have an idea for you put it will take some time to put together. So I want you to go help Hop Sing for a bit and after lunch I'll have it ready for you."

"Alright!" Ginny dashed off into the kitchen.

Adam shook his head as he watched the red curls bounce away, "I swear she's harder to keep entertained than Hoss and Little Joe combined." He muttered to himself

….

Ginny fidgeted throughout lunch so much that Adam decided eating lunch a little later wouldn't hurt. Upon hearing the news Ginny flew out of her chair, tipping it over was she skipped over to Adam.

"What is the game?" Ginny bounced beside him.

"You've got spring fever." Adam concluded, "It's a treasure hunt."

Ginny's eyes lit up as Adam presented the map he'd drawn up. It was simple and easy to follow and he planned to be nearby during her hunt if she needed help.

"Now this is only the first part of the map." Adam said. "You have to find the second part, then the third and so on. After you find the last map you'll find the treasure."

Her eyes roamed over the map drinking in every detail. She nodded at Adam's explanation and slowly walked away from his chair staring at her map intently. Bumping into the arm of the couch didn't distract her from the contents of the map and she slowly made her way upstairs without any other mishaps. As several minutes passed Adam began to worry he hadn't made the map simple enough until he heard his sister yell to him excitedly that she'd found another map. Tearing down the steps at a break neck speed with the map flapping in the air overhead Ginny bolted across the room to Adam.

"I found it!" she exclaimed breathlessly.

"I see." Adam stated with an amused look. "Follow this one too and see where it leads you next."

Ginny skipped off into the kitchen and to the amusement of Hop Sing found the next piece to her puzzle. Running through the living room she turned the corner and nearly barreled into Adam who was holding a cloak for her.

"Put this one before you go out."

"But Adam I'm not cold!" She hardly stood still for the excitement building in her.

"It's cold outside." Adam managed to get her to stand still enough to put her cloak on. The moment she had it on she tugged at the heavy door to go outside. As she struggled with the door Adam shrugged his coat on and helped her defeat her current foe. Ginny ducked under him as soon as the door opened and ran out into the yard in search of her fourth map. Finding it quickly she ran over to the barn urging Adam to keep up with her. In the back corner of an empty stall, after a suggestion from Adam, Ginny dug through the hay uncovering a tin box. Sitting on the hay Ginny opened her treasure.

"Marbles!" Ginny exclaimed.

Adam smiled as she gently touched the glass balls, "They were mine." Adam had noticed how she often enjoyed watching Hoss and Little Joe play with marbles and he always noticed the melancholy expression that crossed her face when Little Joe wouldn't allow her to hold and admire his prized possession. "I want you to take good care of them. And if you want I can teach you how to play so you can practice with them."

"Oh yes! I want to play them with you!"

"Let's play inside where it's warm." He guided her out of the barn as she clutched her treasure tightly.

Sitting on the living room floor they passed the afternoon playing marbles, although most of the time was spent with Ginny holding up a marble to Adam for him to see how pretty it was.

After a quiet evening passed and Adam finished reading to the youngest Cartwrights Ginny tugged at his arm.

"Can we play again tomorrow?" she looked at him expectantly.

"I have some things I have to get done out on the ranch the next few days." He told her gently.

"Oh" she pouted.

"I had fun today." Ginny smiled, "And I'm proud of you Virginia."

She cocked her head at his statement.

"You've been very good the past few days. I'm sorry I haven't been able to spend much time in the house with you. I know you miss Hoss and Little Joe while they're at school."

"When can I go to school with them?"

"When you're older."

She sighed and shook her head, "That's awful far away."

Adam chuckled, "You'll be older soon enough, sweet pea." He kissed her forehead. "Sleep tight."

"Like a bed bug." She chanted as she burrowed under her blankets.

…..

Adam pushed his hat back on his head, "I don't want to lose out on the profits we could make if I decide not to sell the beef." Adam wished for the thousandth time that his father was home.

"We got lucky this past winter. The Ponderosa didn't lose too many head and the ones that made it are strong. They'll sell for a good price." The foreman informed him.

Adam nodded. He knew it was time to prepare for a drive but without his father home and no one to look after his younger siblings…he didn't see how it could be done. "We could sell them to the army." Adam contemplated.

"You know as well as I do the army won't pay what those cattle are worth." Hank leaned against the fence post.

"I know." Adam pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Adam I've worked for your Pa a long time. I respect him and I've grown to respect you. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do Hank."

"If you trust me enough I'll help you hire some extra men for a cattle drive and I'll lead it. I promise you I'd get the best price I can. And don't you worry none about the men left behind. They respect you. They've seen you shoulder the responsibility these past weeks."

Adam felt a weight lifted off his shoulders, "It's a deal." Adam extended his hand and Hank shook it heartily. "I did get an offer from the Army. They want us to break a string of horses."

Hank nodded, "I hope you took it."

Adam smiled, "I was hoping you'd say that. Contract starts in two weeks."

"Good. The men need an early contract to knock off some of the rust from winter."

"Are you talking about the men or yourself."

Hank shook his head as he led his horse away, "Young fellows are getting awfully ornery these days."

Adam was glad Hank missed his chuckle.

…..

"Give them back!" Ginny screamed as Adam walked through the door.

"They're mine now!" Little Joe shot back. "Fair and square!"

"We weren't playing real!" Ginny let out a sob and Adam was quickly between the two angry children.

"What is going on?" Adam asked wearily.

"We were playing and Joe won't give my marbles back."

"We were playing keeps, Adam!" Little Joe was quick to defend himself. Glancing at Joe's pile he saw Ginny's beloved treasure carelessly mixed in with Little Joe's marbles.

"Joe give Virginia back her marbles."

"But we-"

"Played for keeps. I heard what you said. Where did you learn that?"

"At school. Pay your losses." Joe muttered

"Well in this house we don't gamble and I expect you not to take advantage of Virginia not knowing what playing for keeps means. From now when you play marbles in this house it's for fun, not keeps."

"You always take her side." Joe turned to storm away.

"Joseph." Adam said quietly and Joe froze. "Come back here."

Joe slowing turned around to face Adam, "Did you explain to Virginia what playing for keeps meant?"

"No." Joe whispered.

"Then it's not very fair to play that way with one of the players doesn't know the rule now is it?"

"Guess not…"

"I want you to apologize."

"Sorry I tricked you Gin."

Ginny quickly wiped away tears, "Adam what's that word again?"

"Forgive." Adam gently presented her the word.

"I give you Joe." Ginny hugged Joe.

"Virginia how about you go help Hoss brush the horses?"

"Okay Adam!" She skipped off to the barn.

After Adam closed the door after her he sat down back down across from Joe.

"Am I in trouble?" Joe wondered shifting his weight.

"I'm sorry you think I'm always taking her side."

Joe's head shot up in surprise "What?"

"Joe part of being a big brother is looking out for the younger ones…for the most part I know how to handle you and Hoss…but I have barely have any idea how to handle a little girl." Adam shocked himself admitting that to the six year old. "Between Pa being away, watching over you three and running the ranch… I want you to know you can always come talk to me…I guess I messed up somewhere."

"You're doing real good, Adam." Joe touched his knee.

"My point is I'm sorry it seems I'm not on your side. I'll always be in your corner, Joe."

"It's okay Adam…. She's littler than me…and her mama is gone too. It's hard for a kid." A shadow passed over Joe's face as he spoke of Emily.

"We all miss her Joe...I know Hoss does too."

"Really?"

"Yeah…it's okay to miss her."

"I miss Pa too" Joe admitted.

"I miss him too." An idea popped into his head, "Joe remember when I said I need help running the ranch?" Joe nodded, "Well I think I have another job for you."

Joe straightened, "Really? He asked excitedly.

"You're a big brother too now. I've looked after Hoss since I was your age, when you were born I did the same and now I look after Virginia too."

"Yeah you and Hoss are both always looking after me." Joe stated somewhat annoyed at the many pairs of eyes watching him.

"Well now I need you to watch after Virginia. Teach her things, look out for her, be her friend. Hoss and I still will look after her. But I need you to watch over her too."

"Do I have to?"

"No," Adam admitted, "But family is always there. Your friends will come and go but family will stay by you always. I'm sure if you let her Virginia will become your most loyal friend."

"But she's a girl!"

Adam shook his head, "That doesn't matter."

"None of the boys at school like their sisters…" Joe mumbled

"Who says you're like the other boys?" Adam sighed, "As I said…you don't have to…but I think Virginia would really like it. And I think you would do."

"I'll give it a try." Little Joe shrugged.

…

SEVERAL DAYS LATER

Adam yawned as Ginny placed a book in his lap. He was down to the final days and down to his last nerve. Reading to Ginny and Joe was a welcome distraction.

"Adam?" Ginny nudged him as he thumbed through the book to find where he'd left off, "Is Pa in heaven?"

"He's not dead, Gin." Joe pointed out harshly.

"Joseph."

Ginny's lip trembled at Little Joe's outburst, "Then why'd he go away?"

"Pa went to go take care of some business. He'll be back soon."

"He never goes anywhere till the snows all melted." Joe muttered glancing at Ginny.

"This time he did." Adam grit his teeth. "Now am I going to read you two a story or are we taking an early bedtime?"

Both children immediately quieted down allowing Adam to read a few chapters to them. After Joe had returned to his room and Ginny nodded off Adam quietly departed to get much needed alone time. Making his way downstairs he was surprised to see Hoss pouring over a book.

"Working late, Hoss?" Hoss returned his gaze with troubled eyes, "What's wrong?" Adam seated himself near Hoss on the hearth.

"I noticed the date today."

Adam racked his brain trying to remember if he'd missed anything important. He knew it wasn't either of his brother's birthdays or any other significant date.

"It's April now."

"Hoss…" Adam paused. Hoss was never the prankster and he'd deemed April fools silly and unnecessary. Only Little Joe really enjoyed pranks and was often caught bringing Ginny into the mix.

"It's been more than three weeks, Adam."

Adam froze. With everything going on he'd lost track of the days. Three weeks had past and Ben Cartwright hadn't returned.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm too big." Ginny stated sadly as Adam tried to help her get dressed one morning.

"You are growing." Adam agreed as he saw her dress no longer fit as a result of a growth spurt. "We'll have to get you something else." He decided.

"Okay." She threw her hands up at a loss for what to do.

Making sure she had some toys to occupy her Adam went in search of something that would fit Ginny. As he racked his brain he remembered Emily getting Joe new clothes shortly before she died and he hoped she laid some of his old ones aside. Searching through a trunk in his father's room yielded the castoffs he was looking for. Adam gathered a small bundle of clothing and paused at the door as he exited. The empty room was beginning to collect dust and smelled stale; standing in the doorway Adam wished to have the strong presence of his father back home. Returning to the girl's bedroom Adam assisted her in getting dressed for the day.

"Why am I wearing Joe's clothes?" Ginny questioned picking at the shirt he'd just finished tucking in.

"Because your dresses no longer fit you." Adam was still amazed by how suddenly her dresses no longer fit. It seemed like she'd grown overnight.

"Why can't you make me a new one?"

"I don't know how to sew. Next time Mrs. Clarke comes I'll see if she can make you a couple new ones." Adam informed her as he tucked her shirt back in.

"I'll help her." Ginny stated decidedly.

"I'm sure she'd like that. Until then you can wear these."

"They're too big!" Ginny flapped the sleeves.

Adam finished rolling up her other pant leg and moved on to rolling up her sleeves, "They're only temporary. You'll grow into them." Adam then folded the remaining clothes and placed them in the dresser.

Ginny skipped out of the room as Adam finished the chore. He hoped she wouldn't turn into too much of a tomboy under his care.

….

The sun shone over the busy streets of San Francisco. Some reclined in the shadows of building while other citizens remained indoors to avoid the rays of the sun. In a dimly lit bar men sat around tables gambling away money while hoping they'd strike better luck in a game of poker than they had in the mines. Smoke from cigars hung in the air and the stale stench of sweat and alcohol seeped deep into the cracks of the building. Alone in a dark corner sat a large gray haired man. He'd been there nearly every day the past few weeks alone drowning sorrow in solitude but more often in a glass of whiskey. No one, not even the bar tender, knew his name. Most gave him a wide berth and few disturbed his solitude.

Alone in a dark corner in a smoke filled, run down bar sat Ben Cartwright alone in his depression.

…

A cloud of dust surrounded Adam as he landed with a loud thud in the dirt. Rolling under the lowest fence pole he narrowly avoided being trampled by the stallion that'd just thrown him. Picking himself of the ground he dusted his clothes off as he made his way over to the younger Cartwrights. Hoss watched him with concern, Little Joe gazed at the stallion in awe, and Ginny sat watching the scene with large eyes.

"You okay Adam?" Hoss wasn't envying Adam's job anymore.

Adam wiped his brow, "I'm alright."

"That there is one ornery horse." Hoss decided.

"He has a lot of spirit. Shame to break him of it."

"I want to ride him." Joe's eyes followed the movement of the powerful animal.

"One day, Joe. Then you'll get to ache all over like I will the rest of this week." Adam noted Ginny still sat in a state of shock. "What do you think of him, sweet pea?"

Ginny broke her gaze from the horse, "Why do you keep falling off?"

Adam pushed his hat back, "Well he's never been ridden before and he's not real found of it. We have to train him to get used to it like the other horses."

"Is that why he jumps around?"

"That's right."

"That sounds dangerous." Ginny touched Adam's arm, "You shouldn't ride him."

Adam chuckled, "We have to train him for the army. I promise to be careful."

"He's a bad horse."

"He's not bad. Just has to be taught."

Ginny cocked her head studying the horse, "Could I ride him when you teach him?"

"Sorry sweet pea. He's not going to stay with us long."

"Oh." She stated sadly.

He tweaked her messy braid, "But I can take you riding on my horse when we finishing breaking this string."

She brightened at the plan immediately, "Okay, Adam!"

Adam looked over his younger brothers and decided they should join in on the fun, "I think we should all go for a ride when we finish breaking this string."

Hoss and Joe perked up immediately and agreed to the plan readily.

…..

Over the weeks it took to break the string Adam noticed moral go up with his younger siblings having something to look forward to. Balancing working the ranch, helping his siblings over come their grief and dealing with his own he was glad to have something to distract him. When the day finally came Ginny was awake far earlier than usual and even Little Joe sat at the breakfast table far more alert than his typical self at that hour. They made a short work of breakfast and once three horses were saddled and Ginny mounted behind Adam they went off to enjoy the fresh spring air on the blossoming Ponderosa.

Springtime after a long hard winter was always welcome but this year it felt especially refreshing to have the warm sun on their faces and the soft breeze rift through their hair. Adam led on the trail as they meandered along a small creek bed. Picking over the stones the horses went along in no rush, enjoying the spring like their riders.

After several miles of peaceful riding the four stopped to rest. As the boys set up fishing poles Ginny wandered away from the group picking a bouquet of wildflowers. As her small arrangement grew so did the distance between her and the others.

"I wish we could go fishin' every day." Joe stretched himself out on the grass with a lazy yawn for a leisurely day basking in the early afternoon sun suited him greatly.

A lazy grin crossed Adam's face, "Fish, hunt, camp." He sighed with satisfaction. "That'd be the life."

"Yeah and no school!" Joe agreed heartily.

"I second that." Hoss muttered. The twelve year olds dislike for school slowly grew as he did.

"Problem at school, boys?" Adam asked causally hoping they'd open up.

"Nah…just don't like sitting at a desk all day."

"Indians don't have to go to school." Joe stated, "Gypsies either."

"I think I've filled your head with too many stories." Adam decided, "Everyone learns in some way. I teach Virginia at home."

"I'd rather learn at home."

"I think you'd get tired of that rather quickly, Little Joe."

"Maybe…"Joe contemplated the idea, "But you'd be better than a stuffy old teacher, Adam."

"I think you'd get tired of me teaching you."

"Gin likes when you teach her."

"Those lessons are short." Adam cast a glance over to where he'd last seen the girl. Sitting up his eyes scanned the area for the bright red hair.

"What's the matter?" Hoss turned to where Adam was looking.

"Virginia." Adam called. When nothing answered his call he laid his pole aside.

"Adam?" Hoss stood and ran after his brother while Joe followed in equal confusion.

"When'd you last see Virginia?" Adam turned so quickly Hoss nearly barreled into him

Hoss blinked, "When we made the fishing lines."

"That was an hour ago." Hoss' face paled at the realization, Adam turned back to the grass scanning for any indentations the girl left behind. He fought to keep the panic from rising inside him; he should have kept a better eye on her. Picking up her trail was easy in the long grass. Adam moved along the trail as quickly as he could go without losing any details but caution was thrown into the wind when he saw a different creature's track near the impression her little boot had left in the soft earth.

Joe stopped at the track. Even at his age he quickly recognized the print of a mountain lion. "Adam!" Joe ran to catch up with his brother's long stride.

Seeing the impression filled Adam with even more panic. Unlike Joe he knew immediately that track was older than the one Ginny left; even so a mountain lion was not something he wanted wondering the Ponderosa….especially when Virginia was also wondering it alone. Stepping into a grove of trees Adam scanned for the bright hair.

"Gin!" Joe dashed down the tree line towards a small sleeping figure. Hoss and Adam came up behind him as Joe shook the sleeping child's shoulder. Ginny blinked in confusion at the three standing over her; the wilted bouquet clenched tightly in her fist.

"Adam my flowers died."

"Virginia, don't ever wander off like that again."

Ginny looked at him startled. Adam never used such a stern tone with her before, "I wanted to pick flowers."

"I know you did but you can't go off alone like that. You could have gotten hurt."

"But you found me, Adam."

"Virginia I might not always be able to find you." Adam took her hand and began to head back to the horses. With a mountain lion on he loose he was flooded with worry for not only their safety but the horses as well.

"I'm okay Adam."

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. We'll talk about it later Virginia."

…..

"You sure it was a ghost cat?"

"I know cougar tracks when I see them, Hank."

"Just cause we didn't have a hard winter doesn't mean that cat didn't. You boys were lucky you just saw his tracks while you were out there."

Adam closed his eyes, he didn't want to imagine what could have happened if they'd crossed paths "We need to find that cat."

Hank nodded, "I'll get the men together. We'll have guards on the herd and I'll make a hunting party."

"I'll be on the hunting party." Hank looked at the boy he'd watch grow into a man and nodded. He knew this was personal for Adam.

****Sorry for a short chapter and a long time between posting. Things have been crazy but I hope you all are enjoying the story


	5. Chapter 5

Ginny sat in the corner of the barn in a huff. Stumbling into the barn Hoss was relieved to have finally found her. After Adam had left with some of the men for the hunt Ginny had disappeared from the house; he was worried she was lost again. As he crossed the barn Ginny didn't give him so much as a glance.

"I like to come out here to think too." Hoss told her while sitting beside her.

"I'm not thinking! I'm mad." She informed him curtly. "Adam said we'd have a whole day."

"Sometimes promises can't be kept…do you know why we couldn't have the whole day?"

"Because I ran off." She said sullenly.

"No not because of that. While we were out looking for you we saw something that could hurt the animals on the Ponderosa. Adam had to go make sure that animal couldn't hurt ours."

Ginny looked up at Hoss's round face, "Is that why he was upset?"

"Sure was."

"I thought he was mad at me." She stated quietly.

"He was worried about you. So were Little Joe and I. You can't be wandering off like that…but I promise you Adam didn't leave because of you."

Ginny sat mulling over what Hoss told her. Glancing around the barn she saw the empty stall where beautiful buckskin usually took its place, "Did Pa leave because of me?"

Hoss took a sharp breath. He'd taken for granted all the times Adam had handled the hard questions from his younger siblings. Hoss thought of the times he'd put his own hard questions to Adam, "I don't even think Pa knows why he left."

"I want him home." Ginny tucked herself under Hoss's arm.

"Me too, munchkin…me too."

….

Adam let the latch on the heavy door catch softly behind him. Hunting for the cougar turned up nothing that day, adding unease to his already troubled mind. Silently moving through the house he was happy to have Hoss there to help get Little Joe and Ginny to bed while he was away. Considering maybe it'd be a good idea to ask the Clark's if they could keep the two youngest for a few days Adam crossed the shadowy room to the stairs. Something white on his father's chair caught his eye as he alighted the stair. As his eyes adjusted to the dark Adam could make out a small figure sleeping. Adam carefully took Ginny up in his arms without disturbing her slumber. While he carried her up the stairs he noted she seemed heavier than she'd been a few weeks prior. Passing her room he took her straight to his room and laid her down in the soft bedding hoping it'd mean she'd sleep through the rest of the night.

…..

Adam awoke slowly. Glancing out the window he saw a gray sky with light slowly beginning to seep over the horizon. Soft breathing drew his eyes away from the window to the sleeping child beside him. Sitting up Adam tried to slip out of the bed without disturbing her. An annoyed murmur escaped her lips and Adam froze hoping she'd fall back to sleep.

"Where ya goin'?"

"Go back to sleep." Adam hushed stroking her hair.

"Are you leaving again?"

"Just for a little. I'll be back to tonight."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"For story?"

"In time for story." He promised. "Go back to sleep." He smoothed the covers over her.

….

Ginny slumped dejectedly in her Ben's large armchair while Mrs. Clarke made another attempt to distract the child.

"Let's go outside for a walk. It's a lovely day." She extended her hand "I think it'll help the day go by much faster." She added when the child refused to move.

Ginny eyed the extended hand reproachfully. "I know you miss, Adam. But if you come outside it'll pass the time and before you know it Hoss and Joe will be back from school and then Adam will be home."

Mrs. Clarke saw Ginny's eyes brighten at the mention of Adam, "He promised he'd be back for story."

"I'm sure he'll keep that promise. Meanwhile I'm sure he wouldn't like you to be mopping about."

"No" Ginny answered quietly, "Can we sew?"

"Of course we can. Let's sew outside, shall we? It's a pretty day."

Ginny nodded in agreement and slipped off the chair as Mrs. Clarke gathered supplies. Taking her hand Ginny shuffled outside alongside Mrs. Clarke and settled in the shade of the porch. To fill the quiet Mrs. Clarke began humming a hymn she'd taught to Ginny. After several moments passed and Mrs. Clarke was nearly ready to give up she heard Ginny's small voice begin to sing the words.

"Adam sings me songs too." she stated softly

"You're brother has a lovely voice." Mrs. Clarke praised.

"Like an angel." Ginny whispered. "That's what Mama said."

Mrs. Clarke smiled at the admiration Ginny possessed for her brother.

...

"Let's stop for a swim." suggested Joe

"We should get back home, Joe." Hoss looked steadily ahead

"Come on, Hoss! Adam ain't there." Joe whined "And Mrs. Clarke is watchin' Gin."

"Well..." Hoss contemplated

Joe grinned, "We won't be long. We ain't been swimming in a while. Adam will never know."

Hoss often wondered why Adam couldn't know about Joe's little plots. "Alright...but not long!"

Joe smiled at his victory. The horses cantered over the dusty road drawing from the excitement of the boys. Rounding the bend in the road Hoss and Little Joe pulled their horses up dejectedly as the hot and dusty group of hunters gathered in the path before them. Hoss's eyes quickly found Adam among them and their eyes met.

"I was hoping we'd run into you." Adam pushed Sport towards the boys, "I want you two to get home and pack. While this cougar is on the Ponderosa I want the three of you to stay with the Clarke's. Mrs. Clarke offered this morning and I decided it'd be a good idea to take her up on it."

Joe's shoulder's sagged, "You're sending us away?"

Adam sighed, "No Joe I'm not…I just need you to stay in town while I try to take care of this. It'll put my mind at ease."

"Yeah okay, Adam…Let's go Joe."

…..

"I am!" Ginny cried at her tormentor.

"No you're not." Laughed the horrible boy as he pulled her hair. "They ain't your brothers and you're an orphan."

"No!" Ginny sobbed, "He is my brother! He is!"

"Ben Cartwright couldn't wait to get away from you." another boy jeered.

Suddenly the boy who'd pulled Ginny's hair felt himself being yanked back. Before he could gather his sense something that felt like a fist struck his nose. Startled by the disappearance of his friend the second boy turned just in time to see Little Joe as he threw his fist into the boy's face.

"You leave my sister alone!" Joe shouted as he pushed the boy into the first one sending them both stumbling to the ground.

"She ain't your sister." The first boy wiped his bleeding nose as he stood.

"Yes she is." Stated Hoss as he stepped behind Joe. "You'd do well to leave her be."

The boys backed away. If it'd just been Joe they would have remained brave but as one could expect boys who torment little girls are not terribly brave.

Joe threw his arm around Ginny as she sobbed into his shoulder, "It's okay, Gin. They won't bother you anymore."

"You are my brother." She choked.

"I'm your brother." He assured her.

"And Hoss and Adam?"

"Of course we are munchkin." Hoss patted her back softly.

"I want Adam." Ginny continued to cry. "And Pa. I want my Pa."

"So do I Gin…so do I." Joe felt his nerve slipping. He very much wanted to run and wallow in his own pain. Joe wondered if this is what Adam had meant about being an older brother…he wasn't quite sure he enjoyed the responsibility.


	6. Chapter 6

People shuffled through warm dusty streets of a booming city. A city reflects the hearts of its people. Hope shimmered with the heat on rail lines, joy flapped in the wind with clothes hanging on a line outside a small hole someone called home. Anger radiated in the warm glow of a stove fire and grief filled the dimly lit bars where men spent their days and gambled away their earnings. A broad shouldered man moved away from his seat. Most of the locals recognized him. The bartender was familiar with the feel of this man's money. As the bills were passed over to him he often felt the weight of grief that hovered over the man, but he didn't care as long as he got his money. Everyone there had some grief. Grief drives a man to drink. Grief keeps a bartender paid.

Bright daylight struck Ben's eyes as he left the hole he'd been hiding in. People moved through the streets at a quick pace never minding the man who walked through his broken world. The ground rolled with each step he took and noise of the street pounded in his head as he stumbled along the road looking for a quiet place to hide. A noise like a gnat buzzing in his head continued to nag at him as he walked and seemed to grow louder at every step. Hands gripped his arm. Turning unfocusing eyes to the intruder he squinted at a man beside him.

"Ben Cartwright… what have you done to yourself?"

...

After the incident on the street Joe felt closer to Ginny. Now of course don't misunderstand. A boy his age doesn't always want to have his sister following him around but he didn't rebuke her attempts to play as much as he usually did and in his eyes his status as a big brother had improved immensely. Ginny was overjoyed to have more attention from Joe. She admired each of her brothers in different ways but Joe often did not appreciate the admiration of a child. However now that he saw himself as a protector being a big brother was a responsibility he enjoyed.

The two sat together on a rainy afternoon on the floor of the parlor with marbles scattered between them.

"No Gin you can't get that close." Joe said with an air of authority

"It's hard to shoot from outside the circle." she insisted.

"It's ain't that hard."

"My hands small. It's hard to shoot it that way. I'll use a small one." she reached for a small marble.

"No Gin the big marble is the shooter."

"Adam let me."

"Do you want to play a kid's way or do you want to play right?" he shot back

"I like kid's way."

Joe's head fell into his hand, "Okay we'll play your way.

Ginny unsuccessfully shot her marble into the center but looked so pleased Joe didn't have the heart to argue with her. For a fleeting moment Joe allowed himself to be lost in the fun of the game and rather enjoyed 'not playing correctly'.

The rain continued to fall steadily over Virginia City. A boy in black went through the quiet streets towards the reverend's house. His footfall on the porch didn't concern the children at play inside nor did the door squeaking open as Adam entered the house. Shaking the rain off his hat in the doorway he heard the laughter of his siblings in the next room. For the first time in a while he felt peace wash over him at the sound. Adam leaned against the doorway and watched as the youngest Cartwrights happily played undisturbed by his presence. Amusement crossed his face as he saw Joe enjoying the way Ginny played marbles.

"I win!" Ginny cried as she counted the pile of marbles that was clearly smaller than Joe's.

"That's right Gin. Let's play again." Joe began to sweep their marbles back inside the circle.

Something dark caught Ginny's eye, "Adam!" she shot up from the floor and ran to her brother.

"Hey sweet pea." he swept her up into his arms.

Ginny wrapped her arms about his neck holding him so that he might not escape as Joe hugged his middle. Startled Adam looked down at Joe as he eased his hold to just an arm around his older brother.

"Adam, you're all wet." Ginny observed

"It's raining out." Adam informed her "And you're getting all wet now too."

"Look at my present!" she held the skirt of her new dress for him to observe.

"It's very pretty. Did you remember to thank Mrs. Clarke?"

"Yes, Adam."

"She didn't want to wear it at first." Joe told

Ginny folded her arms, "I wanted to wear pants like my brothers."

"Tell you want you can wear pants but to school and church you wear a dress. Deal?" Adam stated wearily

"Deal." she gave him a toothy grin. "Did you get the cat?"

"Yes I did. Came right to town after to get you three. Thought you'd want to be home tonight."

Ginny hugged Adam and laid her head on his shoulder clutching him tightly.

...

Hotels never feel like home. There are walls and a roof but they can be a lonely place. In a room above a saloon Ben Cartwright slowly awoke from what felt like a miserable dream. Wallpaper peeled off the walls and dust floated through the air as fading light sifted through dingy curtains. The room didn't hold the dignity Ben Cartwright would ordinarily possess, but a room like that would bring too many familiar faces. A man sat in a chair near the bed. A stranger in his room didn't bring the usual alarm.

"Finally awake, Ben."

Ben groaned, "My head."

The man chuckled, "Yes I image you must have quite a headache."

"I need a drink." Ben tried to push himself off the bed and felt himself gently pushed back down.

"I think you've had enough."

"Who the hell..." Ben roared at the stranger and met his eyes, "Troy?"

"Yes Ben. It's been a long time...shame to see you like this."

"They're dead. All dead, Troy." Ben's voice cracked.

"The boys?"

"No Troy..." Ben sat heavily on the bed, "I have a girl now...don't know what the hell to do with a girl.."

"And Marie?" Troy gently pressed

"Marie died...the girl's mother just died." Ben stared at the faded wallpaper.

"I'm sorry, Ben."

"They're all dead." Ben fell back into the bed.

...

Several hours passed before Ben awoke again. The pounding in his head lessened but the dryness in his throat felt unquenchable.

"Water." His deep voice croaked

Troy quietly passed him a glass and sat waiting for Ben to speak.

"Ben how long ago did Marie die?"

Ben felt the weight on him grow heavier, "Marie…nearly two years. Fell from her horse."

"And the baby? Who is helping with the baby?"

Ben shook his head "No baby… Ginny isn't Marie's. Mine either…"

Troy didn't press for details, "Ben they're waiting for you. Who's looking after the ranch?"

"Adam."

"Ben…I know you're grieving but we've been friends for a long time. Adam isn't ready for that responsibility."

Ben looked at Troy angrily, "You think you can come here and tell me what my son is and isn't ready for?"

"Ben that boy has grown up faster than any child I've ever seen. He shoulders responsibility better than any man I know. But that boy is grieving. He is grieving just like you. Except you've run away and hid. Adam is running the ranch and taking care of two brothers and a sister. You said you don't know what to do with a girl and I can't say I believe Adam does either and you've left him alone to figure it out. Ben Cartwright in all the years I've known you I've been proud to call you friend. Until now."

…

"Adam" Ginny yawned

"What is it, sweet pea?" He hoped her questioning wouldn't be lengthy tonight.

"Are you…. you're my brother." She wondered.

Adam looked at her puzzled, "Yes Virginia I'm your brother. So are Hoss and Joe."

"The mean boy said no." Ginny looked at him with sad eyes.

"What?"

"Yesterday. A boy said you're not my brother. He said I'm an orfa."

"He called you an orphan?" she nodded, "Virginia that boy didn't know what he was talking about. You have three older brothers who love you."

What's an orfa?"

"An orphan…an orphan is someone without family. But you have a family."

"He was mean." Ginny cuddled closer to Adam as if shrinking away from the cruel words.

"Did anything else happen while you were away that I should know?"

"No" Ginny whispered quietly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's 'kay Adam. Joe hit 'em."

Adam tried to hide his smirk, "Did he now?"

"Yeah then they ran away when Hoss came." She fiddled with the hem of the quilt. "Adam, are you mad Joe hit him?"  
"No I'm not mad."

"Is Joe in trouble?"

"No, Joe isn't in trouble. He was looking out for you. Now how about we get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay Adam."

….

The sun disappears beyond the horizon and streets lights shine to fill its place. Shadows loom as the city nestles into darkness to reflect on the day. Children sleep, men shuffle their cards holding their breath as they gaze upon their earnings in the middle of the table. A corner stool in a bar sits unoccupied. The bar tender misses the familiar touch of the occupant's money. But there are other men filled with grief to take his place. Grief keeps a bar tender paid. The city holds its breath at night.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Long time." Troy answered. Despite looking disheveled Ben looked improved from that morning.

Ben sat silently filled with grief and shame. Troy remained opposite waiting for Ben to speak.

"When I lost Elizabeth…I knew I had to follow that dream we shared. Take care of Adam. Inger…take care of Hoss and Adam. When Marie died…I was devastated. Then Emily's accident….I'm broken, Troy."

"You're not broken, Ben. Damaged maybe…but not broke."

"Troy I've been here…feeling sorry for myself. Going back…I don't even know where to start."

"Start with a shave." Troy suggested "Take it a step at a time."


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't want to!" Ginny yelled

"Virginia for the last time you can't wear pants to church."

"They're clean, Adam!"

"Gin you're a girl you can't wear pants!" Joe yelled frustrated that his sister wasn't ready like them.

"Joe go help Hoss with the horses."

"Adam she's.."

"Joseph." Adam's voice was low and cold. "I said go help Hoss."

Joe disappeared quickly when he heard Adam's tone. The eldest Cartwright pinched the bridge of his nose, "Virginia."

"No!" she declared stubbornly.

"Virginia I'm not going to wrestle it onto you. If you don't put them on right now you can go pick out a switch." Adam informed the child.

Ginny gazed at him with wide eyes and yanked the dress out of his hands. She stormed into her room and came out promptly with the dress on.

"You look very nice."

"Don't look at me." she marched passed him with her little nose stuck stubbornly in the air

…..

Ben Cartwright stood in the yard of the Ponderosa house. Standing there he thought of his children inside most likely having dinner at this time of day. Upon riding in Ben noted the upkeep of the ranch and was impressed that it continued to flourish under his son's care. Frozen at the door his hand shook as it hovered over the handle. At last Ben pushed the heavy door.

Adam looked up from the chessboard as the door opened. Hovering in the doorway Ben took in the scene before him. Hoss and Adam sat upon the fireplace playing a game of chess. Nearby on the floor sat Little Joe with Ginny playing a game of marbles. The eldest boy and his father's eyes met briefly before Hoss turned to see what kept Adam's attention.

"Pa?" the children on the floor looked up at the doorway. Every member of the family stayed in their place, each half of the room taking the other in.

Adam didn't move a muscle. All these months he thought about when his father would return. He thought of how angry he was that he left, the sadness that lingered in his heart, the joy at seeing his father there. But his father no longer felt like that lighthouse that he always was.

Hoss's eyes flickered between his brother and father feeling stunned that his father came home as he'd left- silently. Like a thief in the night that can rob you of the thing you need most when everything seems to be crashing around you.

Little Joe broke from his stupor first and ran to his father, "Pa! You're back."

Ben was met with a hug from his youngest boy. Ginny slipped closer to Adam shyly.

Crossing the room Ben sat himself on the coffee table across from his children. Joe sat tucked under his arm.

"There…" Ben started slowly, "There isn't anything I can say to make up for leaving you four. I let my grief consume me and I didn't put you first like I should have done. It was wrong of me…and I'm sorry."

"We forgive you Pa." Joe piped immediately.

"Yea Pa." Hoss follow.

Ben looked at his other two. Ginny scooted closer to Adam staring at him with big eyes. He wondered if she recognized him… and Adam. Adam was the hardest to read but Ben saw a burning anger in Adam's eyes.

"I think we should all get to bed…we can sort things out in the morning." Ben suggested.

None of the children moved.

"You three get ready for bed." Adam echoed. The three youngest slowly stood. Taking Hoss's hand Ginny made her way upstairs after confirming she would get her story.

Adam waited til the three were out of earshot, "You just left." Ben waited, knowing Adam would have more to say to him. "You left when we and the ranch needed you most."

"Adam I…"

"I don't want an excuse" Adam spat.

"You watch your tone with me, boy."

Adam chewed his lip, "The ranch needed you, Pa. They needed you. I…Do you really think you were the only one grieving? Hoss and Joe…they just lost Marie too. They loved Emily. And Ginny…"

"She looked at me like I was a stranger…"

Adam stood staring at his father, "You are…you've been gone." Adam threw a piece of lint into the fire, "She doesn't know you and you don't know her. You don't know how she plays marbles. That she's a natural rider..You don't know how much her love for stories has grown…You haven't seen the joy leave her eyes when she walks into the room and remembers Emily isn't there."

"Adam…I know no amount of apologizing will make up for leaving like I did."

"Its not even that you left Pa…it's that you stayed away….for so long." Adam turned and ascended the stairs.

…

Ben slowly made his way up the stairs and down the dim hall. He stopped at each room and watched as his youngest sons slept peacefully in their beds. Stopping at Ginny's room he noted her bed was empty. Down the hall Adam's door stood ajar. Silently slipping into the room Ben watched his oldest son sleep peacefully with Ginny curled up beside him. Dim moonlight illuminated Adam's face. Ben thought his boy looked older than when he'd last seen him. like Adam had grown years in the months he was away. As the Cartwright youth slept peacefully Ben made a promise. A promise to do everything he could to make up for leaving. And a promise to never leave again.


End file.
